Wednesday, January 30, 2008

The Hero and the Queen of Darkness - A Fairy Tale for Our Time

UPDATED: 31-December-08

Long had the House of Clinton practiced the ancient arts, honed their dark craft and schooled in the political weirding way. Long had the Lord King Clinton ruled over the Land of the Dems and held the people entranced under a spell of power and guile.

“Behold your Queen”
King Clinton exclaimed “For I am passing my power to her and she shall rule over you as did I. Accept her and love her as you loved me.” And the Dems were afraid and did bow before them.

The children of the Dems flocked to the hero Obama and said “You must free us from this curse!” and so he went forth to battle the Queen of the Hill. And it came to pass that the great hero broke the spell and set free the serfs of Iowa and Carolina. The peasants pledged fealty to the hero and said “We will be your army, and we will be called the Obamites.”

And the scribes and town criers sang his praises and told of his great deeds and of his victory and prophesied the death of the dark Queen until the day came that she cried out in anguish and defeat. But the King unleashed powerful wizards of special interest and once again cast his spell on the people of the Hampshires and Nevada and Lo! The people saw the Queen was not dead.

And the King and Queen forged an alliance with the mysterious undead armies of Michigan and Florida and marched across the land to battle the Obamites. So the hero Obama sought counsel from the old wise men of Camelot and asked “How do I kill this witch queen?” And they said,We will help you but heed our warning - Do not gaze upon her visage for she will turn you to stone.” That very day, in the hall of power the Queen found and reached for the hero and he turned away lest he be turned to stone, and she exclaimed - "I reached out to him and I am still reaching out." And the people wondered if he was weak in spirit. And now the battle has been joined again and rages across the land, and none dare predict the final outcome.

None except the Soothsayer DWSUWF - he who rushes in (where wise men fear to tread) with a vision of the future, revealed as in a dream:

The armies will meet in the land of of the West, before the Mountains of Color in a place called Denver. The King and Queen of the Hill have chosen the ground for the battle and lay in wait for the hero. The army of the Obamites will push back the forces of the House of Clinton, but their victory will be an illusion. The old King will call to the heavens and the God-Delegates of super power will fall upon the Obamites with a fury. Betrayed by the delegates who were not bound, ambushed by the delegates who have no seat, the hero will be brought down. When the battle is done, the Queen of the Hill will stand victorious astride her vanquished foe, bloodied, bruised, pantsuit ripped, with sharpened heel buried deep in the hero Obama’s lifeless chest. But in her moment of triumph, she will look across the land and see that all is not well in the land of the Dems.

A multitude of Obamites with malice in their eyes and hatred in their hearts will surround the Queen of the Hill and fill the air with cries, lamentations, rending of garments and gnashing of teeth for the fallen idol. And the dark Queen, the greatest savant of the great House of Clinton Political Mentats and Sorcerers will triangulate the complex political calculus and understand the need for Obamite acolytes to carry her on the long road ahead. Kneeling she will breathe life into the fallen hero and say “Rise Obama!, for you will walk with me to the promised land as my second - and bring your naive unwashed hordes with you. I will teach you the political weirding way.” And there will be great wonder and rejoicing in the land of the Dems.

x-posted at Donklephant.

On the occasion of this post being included in the prestigious JonSwift Best Blog Posts of 2008, (as selected by the bloggers themselves). We offer this updated Director's Cut Alternate Ending which somewhat more accurately reflects events as they - you know - actually unfolded in this universe:
The army of the Obamites pushed the forces of the House of Clinton until their backs were pressed against the Mountains of Color in the land of Denver. Yet the King and Queen fought with a fury and bloodied the Obamites and caused them to fear that the hero would fall. The old King called to the heavens and beseeched the God-Delegates of super power to fall upon the Obamites and smite them.

The Hero Obama then called to the trapped king and queen -"Behold the power of the Chicago Weirding way!" He turned to his left where the Iman of Rahm open his mouth and from his throat a great Fog of Inevitability obscured the battlefield and the vision of the God-Delegates. Then he motioned to his right and the dark wizard Axe of the Rod cast a spell and behold the sky opened up and the manna of power fell as rain upon the Obamites and strengthened their spirit. Again he cast a spell toward the sky and summoned the corporate telecom demon-gods led by the great beast ATT. The hero Obama burned an offering of immunity and protection to the telecom gods and they showered manna and power upon the Obamites. And the Obamite army grew in power and number fed by the black magick of the corporate gods.

The God-Delegates looked upon the battle and were unmoved by the entreaties of the Clintonians. Lo they said onto to the King and Queen "WTF???" And the Clintons beheld the power of the hero Obama and were finally afraid.

The hero Obama raised both arms and the gates of hell opened beneath his feet and from the ground emerged hordes of boot-licking, butt-sniffing poodle-pundits of the press. The yapping yellow demon dogs of journalism fell upon the Clintons until their ankles were chewed as to the bone and they toppled to the ground. And so it came to pass that the Land of the Dems was finally freed from the spell of the Clinton King and Queen.

But Obama - Hero of The People - Ally of the Chicago Feudal Lords - Acolyte of the Telecom Gods - was generous in victory. "You have fought well my queen. Stand by me, and I will heal your financial wounds and give you domain over the vassals of State." And the queen was grateful, and walked with him and said "Tell me more about the Chicago weirding way." And they walked and laughed together and were entertained by the Chicago court jester Blago of Witch as they lay claim to the throne in the the Great White House of power.

Divided and Balanced.™ Now that is fair.


mw said...

Thought I'd kick off the comments by distilling the point of this post into more succinct language.

I'm guessing that Clinton realpolitik gamesmanship will out over the Obama supporter's passionate idealism, but it will continue to be a WWF Battle Royale until the convention.

The more bitter, the more heated, the more personal and nasty the Clinton/Obama steel cage match becomes - the more likely they wind up tag-teaming on the same ticket to go after the Republicans. When Clinton wins, she’ll understand that the only way to bring the oh-so-bitter Obama constituency (poor babies) along is to put him on the ticket. Her ambition will trump their animosity. With that ticket, the Dems have the best chance to win and probably will.

It is the best thing for Obama too. After 8 years as VP, the experience thing goes away, and the Presidency is his by acclamation. We probably won’t even bother with an election. The country gets 16 years of Democrats in the White House. You can decide for yourself if that is a good thing. Personally, I don't mind, as long as the Dems don't hold both houses of Congress. No way to avoid that for the next two years, but the Republicans will have a reasonable chance to retake the Senate in 2010.

mw said...

Note to Self: Send QofD standard "I Told You So!" form letter upon Clinton's nomination.

Anonymous said...

Whats in a name? The sound of your name can make you a winner.
Politics aside for a moment ...I just heard a piece on the radio. don't remember enough details sorry, but research by a linguist- with 82%accuracy on i think all past presidential elections. His research puts Clinton the winner. The name Obama is way more pleasing than Hillary but not as pleasing as Clinton. Clinton is way more pleasant than Mccain.

Here in my midwest there is concern that in the end mccain will in this country win over obama...